(Lights rise on forgotten Kirenga Market. Dusty room. Plastic chairs arranged unevenly. Warm sodas on a small table. Several aspirants seated at the front like territorial roosters pretending to cooperate. The atmosphere already tense before anyone speaks.)
Mzee Kihoto: (stepping forward) Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Lari. A land where; unity is preached, ego is practiced, and common sense survives like an endangered species. Today…the aspirants have gathered to form “A United Front” in order to ouster Mungai. (Pauses.) You already know this will fail.
(Huge laughter. Ndume rises slowly adjusting coat dramatically. He speaks like a man already rehearsing victory speeches.)
Ndume: Brothers…unity is important. Very important. And therefore…all of you should unite behind me. After all; I am experienced, respected, and clearly the natural leader.
Muiru: (rolling eyes aggressively) Ndume…please calm down. Calm your destiny first. (Laughter.) Lower Lari has never received its turn. Kamburu and Nyanduma deserve leadership too. We need; fairness, regional balance, and democratic equity. And honestly…who is better to unite the people than me?
Mzee Kihoto: (aside to audience) Muiru believes leadership should rotate regionally…like funeral tent.
(Huge laughter. Suddenly Mwendia enters wearing sunglasses indoors. Confident. Overdressed. Carrying five phones unnecessarily.)
Mwendia: Gentlemen…why are we arguing? The people of Lari already love me. I greet; children, elders, goats, even stubborn dogs. (Laughter.) But let me speak honestly. I cannot step down. My diaspora supporters already invested heavily in this campaign. I promised them; jobs, tenders, contracts, opportunities— almost everything except my wife and children. If I withdraw now…I betray the dollars—(Coughs.) —I mean…the people.
Mzee Kihoto: Observe carefully, ladies and gentlemen; one aspirant driven by ego, another by regional entitlement, another by foreign currency. And finally…here enters the only dangerous man among them.
(Lights soften. Gichuka Waithera enters quietly. No convoy. No drama. No bodyguards. Only papers in his hands. The aspirant they fear most. Gichuka speaks calmly.)
Gichuka Waithera: My brothers…unity matters. But leadership is service. Let us support whoever can genuinely work for the people. Let us prioritize; integrity, accountability, fairness, and competence.
(Heavy silence. The aspirants stare at him like he has insulted nyama choma publicly.)
Ndume: You? Lead us? Impossible.
Muiru: Absolutely not.
Mwendia: Dangerous suggestion.
Ndume: You do not fear anyone. You refuse handout politics. You avoid fake fundraisers.
Muiru: And worst of all—you actually want systems to function. You have been colonized by western life.
Mwendia: How do honest people survive inside working systems? Please explain.
(Huge laughter.)
Ndume: Once systems begin functioning properly…where exactly shall we squeeze opportunity? If systems work then no need of running for a political office.
Mwendia: My diaspora investors cannot support a man who blocks shortcuts. You are too clean, Gichuka Waithera. Too disciplined. Too principled.
Mzee Kihoto: And that…ladies and gentlemen…is how the only sober aspirant became the greatest threat. Not because he was weak. But because he threatened disorder itself.
(The collapse of unity. The hall erupts into noise immediately. Everyone shouting simultaneously. Pointing fingers. Standing aggressively.)
Ndume: I lead or I leave!
Muiru: No Lower Lari representation—no unity!
Mwendia: Diaspora commitments cannot be ignored! I must remain on the ballot! I better lose.
Crowd: Unity! Unity! Unity! (Whispering among themselves.) But we know these people shall never unite.
(Enters Elder Kuria; a former MP who left projects Lari can mention. The crowd rises immediately.)
Crowd: (Clapping) Kuria! Our voice! Our elder!
Kuria: Asanteni sana. Asanteni sana. Ni hivo. I did not come to be worshipped. I came to warn you. (Turns slowly toward the aspirants.) I have watched elections longer than some of you have grown beards. Division is not strategy. It is political suicide. (Points at Gichuka Waithera.) This man can defeat Mungai. Not because of noise. Not because of money. But because he has a heart for Lari.
Ndume: Having good intentions does not win elections.
Muiru: Regions do.
Mwendia: Resources do.
(Kuria looks at them steadily. Silence fills the hall.)
Kuria: Then you have learned nothing. And you are not ready to set Lari free. Choosing any of you is the same as choosing the current regime. (Turns to the people.) If you choose ego over unity…do not cry tomorrow.
(Silence. Lights dim slowly.)
Mzee Kihoto: The unity meeting collapsed faster than campaign promises after elections. And naturally…the only man capable of making unity possible…was the first person quietly removed from consideration.
(Lights shift slowly. Mungai watches the circus. He leans comfortably beneath a tree eating roasted maize peacefully. No stress. No panic. Only amusement.)
Mungai: Ah…beautiful confusion. Exactly what I prayed for. Let them; divide themselves, worship ego, and fight over geography. As they argue…I shall quietly return to office like a cat entering a kitchen with milk and meat.
Mzee Kihoto: And thus…disunity itself became campaign strategy.
(Lights dim slowly. Single spotlight on Mzee Kihoto.)
Mzee Kihoto: People of Lari…listen carefully. First; you cannot defeat bad leadership…while carrying your own selfish ambitions. Unity requires sacrifice. But everybody here wants the crown. Second; Ndume’s ego cannot bend. He would rather lose proudly alone…than win together. Third; Muiru believes strongly in fairness. But only the fairness that benefits his region. Fourth; Mwendia is already politically mortgaged. Diaspora money tied him like a goat at the market. Even angels cannot convince him to step down now. And fifth; the one man capable of changing Lari— Gichuka Waithera— is feared not because he is weak…but because honesty threatens dishonest systems.
(Long silence.)
Mzee Kihoto: And so…as the opposition fought itself proudly…Mungai smiled quietly in the distance. Because nothing protects failed leadership better…than divided people pretending to seek change.
(Lights fade slowly. Drums echo softly. Then silence.)
Mzee Kihoto: (stepping forward) Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Lari. A land where; unity is preached, ego is practiced, and common sense survives like an endangered species. Today…the aspirants have gathered to form “A United Front” in order to ouster Mungai. (Pauses.) You already know this will fail.
(Huge laughter. Ndume rises slowly adjusting coat dramatically. He speaks like a man already rehearsing victory speeches.)
Ndume: Brothers…unity is important. Very important. And therefore…all of you should unite behind me. After all; I am experienced, respected, and clearly the natural leader.
Muiru: (rolling eyes aggressively) Ndume…please calm down. Calm your destiny first. (Laughter.) Lower Lari has never received its turn. Kamburu and Nyanduma deserve leadership too. We need; fairness, regional balance, and democratic equity. And honestly…who is better to unite the people than me?
Mzee Kihoto: (aside to audience) Muiru believes leadership should rotate regionally…like funeral tent.
(Huge laughter. Suddenly Mwendia enters wearing sunglasses indoors. Confident. Overdressed. Carrying five phones unnecessarily.)
Mwendia: Gentlemen…why are we arguing? The people of Lari already love me. I greet; children, elders, goats, even stubborn dogs. (Laughter.) But let me speak honestly. I cannot step down. My diaspora supporters already invested heavily in this campaign. I promised them; jobs, tenders, contracts, opportunities— almost everything except my wife and children. If I withdraw now…I betray the dollars—(Coughs.) —I mean…the people.
Mzee Kihoto: Observe carefully, ladies and gentlemen; one aspirant driven by ego, another by regional entitlement, another by foreign currency. And finally…here enters the only dangerous man among them.
(Lights soften. Gichuka Waithera enters quietly. No convoy. No drama. No bodyguards. Only papers in his hands. The aspirant they fear most. Gichuka speaks calmly.)
Gichuka Waithera: My brothers…unity matters. But leadership is service. Let us support whoever can genuinely work for the people. Let us prioritize; integrity, accountability, fairness, and competence.
(Heavy silence. The aspirants stare at him like he has insulted nyama choma publicly.)
Ndume: You? Lead us? Impossible.
Muiru: Absolutely not.
Mwendia: Dangerous suggestion.
Ndume: You do not fear anyone. You refuse handout politics. You avoid fake fundraisers.
Muiru: And worst of all—you actually want systems to function. You have been colonized by western life.
Mwendia: How do honest people survive inside working systems? Please explain.
(Huge laughter.)
Ndume: Once systems begin functioning properly…where exactly shall we squeeze opportunity? If systems work then no need of running for a political office.
Mwendia: My diaspora investors cannot support a man who blocks shortcuts. You are too clean, Gichuka Waithera. Too disciplined. Too principled.
Mzee Kihoto: And that…ladies and gentlemen…is how the only sober aspirant became the greatest threat. Not because he was weak. But because he threatened disorder itself.
(The collapse of unity. The hall erupts into noise immediately. Everyone shouting simultaneously. Pointing fingers. Standing aggressively.)
Ndume: I lead or I leave!
Muiru: No Lower Lari representation—no unity!
Mwendia: Diaspora commitments cannot be ignored! I must remain on the ballot! I better lose.
Crowd: Unity! Unity! Unity! (Whispering among themselves.) But we know these people shall never unite.
(Enters Elder Kuria; a former MP who left projects Lari can mention. The crowd rises immediately.)
Crowd: (Clapping) Kuria! Our voice! Our elder!
Kuria: Asanteni sana. Asanteni sana. Ni hivo. I did not come to be worshipped. I came to warn you. (Turns slowly toward the aspirants.) I have watched elections longer than some of you have grown beards. Division is not strategy. It is political suicide. (Points at Gichuka Waithera.) This man can defeat Mungai. Not because of noise. Not because of money. But because he has a heart for Lari.
Ndume: Having good intentions does not win elections.
Muiru: Regions do.
Mwendia: Resources do.
(Kuria looks at them steadily. Silence fills the hall.)
Kuria: Then you have learned nothing. And you are not ready to set Lari free. Choosing any of you is the same as choosing the current regime. (Turns to the people.) If you choose ego over unity…do not cry tomorrow.
(Silence. Lights dim slowly.)
Mzee Kihoto: The unity meeting collapsed faster than campaign promises after elections. And naturally…the only man capable of making unity possible…was the first person quietly removed from consideration.
(Lights shift slowly. Mungai watches the circus. He leans comfortably beneath a tree eating roasted maize peacefully. No stress. No panic. Only amusement.)
Mungai: Ah…beautiful confusion. Exactly what I prayed for. Let them; divide themselves, worship ego, and fight over geography. As they argue…I shall quietly return to office like a cat entering a kitchen with milk and meat.
Mzee Kihoto: And thus…disunity itself became campaign strategy.
(Lights dim slowly. Single spotlight on Mzee Kihoto.)
Mzee Kihoto: People of Lari…listen carefully. First; you cannot defeat bad leadership…while carrying your own selfish ambitions. Unity requires sacrifice. But everybody here wants the crown. Second; Ndume’s ego cannot bend. He would rather lose proudly alone…than win together. Third; Muiru believes strongly in fairness. But only the fairness that benefits his region. Fourth; Mwendia is already politically mortgaged. Diaspora money tied him like a goat at the market. Even angels cannot convince him to step down now. And fifth; the one man capable of changing Lari— Gichuka Waithera— is feared not because he is weak…but because honesty threatens dishonest systems.
(Long silence.)
Mzee Kihoto: And so…as the opposition fought itself proudly…Mungai smiled quietly in the distance. Because nothing protects failed leadership better…than divided people pretending to seek change.
(Lights fade slowly. Drums echo softly. Then silence.)
