Dedication.
Author’s Note.
Introduction.
Growing Old & Losing Mind.
What Is Dementia?
Brain: The Amazing Control Center.
When Forgetting is not Forgetfulness.
Different Types of Dementia.
Seeing the Signs.
Something Looks Like Dementia.
See the Person, Not the Disease.
Why Does Grandy Keep Repeating Same Question?
When Grandy Sees or Hears Things You Don’t.
Anger, Fear, Wandering and Other Changes.
How to Talk to Someone Living with Dementia.
Helping Without Taking Away Independence.
Making Home Safer and Less Confusing.
Memories & Meaningful Activities.
Dementia Affects the Whole Family.
What a Young Person Can—and Cannot—Do.
Breaking the Silence.
Conclusion.
Dedication
To every young adult who has watched Grandy (Grandma, Grandpa) or another older person begin to change and wondered, “What is happening to them?” This book is for you. May what you learn help you replace confusion with understanding, frustration with patience, and laughter at someone with compassion for them. You are never too young to understand, to care, and to make someone feel valued.
Author’s Note
This book was born from experiences I never imagined would one day become a book. Circumstances forced me to spend much of my teenage years working among older people. At the time, those were some of the hardest years of my life. I was young, and while many teenagers were occupied with the ordinary experiences of growing up, life placed me in situations where I had to work. I cleared compounds, worked on farms, prepared firewood, carried heavy things, and helped older people with tasks they could no longer easily do for themselves. I thought I was simply trying to survive difficult circumstances. I did not realize that I was also watching, listening, learning, and gathering experiences that I would understand very differently many years later.
Among those older people, I witnessed behaviors I could not explain. Some forgot things. Some became confused. Some repeated themselves or behaved in ways that seemed strange to my teenage mind. In the community where I grew up, we did not talk much about dementia. We had our own explanations and expressions for what we saw. Like many young people, I could see the behavior, but I did not understand what might be happening behind it. Looking back now, I wish I had known then what I know today.
Life has an interesting way of bringing us back to lessons we did not understand the first time. More than two decades later, I found myself once again among older people, this time in a setting that cares for people living with dementia. Suddenly, some of the memories from my teenage years began to make sense. Through the people I have encountered in dementia care, I have learned to look beyond forgotten names, repeated questions, confusion, anger, wandering, and other changes. I have learned to ask not only, “What is this person doing?” but also, “What might this person be experiencing?”
Most importantly, I have learned to see the person before I see dementia. Behind the confused face is somebody’s mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, brother, sister, or friend. There is a person who once ran, dreamed, worked, loved, struggled, raised a family, laughed, cried, and built a lifetime of memories. Dementia may change what a person can remember or do, but it does not erase that person’s humanity, dignity, or need to belong. That conviction runs throughout this book.
In a strange way, therefore, this book is part of turning the lemons my teenage years gave me into lemonade. I cannot go back and change those difficult years. I cannot return to the older people I met and respond to them with the understanding I have today. But I can take what those years taught me, combine it with what I am learning now, and pass it on to another generation. As I wrote in this book, those older people probably never knew how much they were teaching me. At the time, I thought I was helping them. Years later, I realize they were also teaching me.
My hope is simple; that this book will help someone. I hope a teenager will read it and understand a grandmother, grandfather, neighbor, or older relative differently. I hope it replaces laughter with compassion, fear with understanding, impatience with kindness, and judgment with curiosity. And perhaps, when Grandy begins to forget, a young person somewhere will remember something even more important that Grandy is still Grandy.
When Grandy Begins to Forget.
David Waithera.
© 2026